James and the Giant Chocolate Cake

Every once in a while my husband gets a bug up his...er, well, he gets these wild inclinations to do something out of the ordinary. Yesterday he declared that he was going to make a homemade chocolate cake.

I mentally objected for several reasons, the first and foremost being that I'm trying not to eat such tantalizing things as chocolate cake. But trying to dissuade my husband from indulging in this inclination is like trying to stop a moving train. It ain't gonna happen.

So being the helpful *cough* wife that I am, I gathered up the necessary items for his homemade chocolate cake at the store. Not only did I gather up the ingredients for him (including spending seven some odd dollars for a liter of grape seed oil--even though the recipe called for only a half cup) but I bought brand spanking new cake pans for him as well. His chocolate cake would spring from style if nothing else.

Soon the mixing, stirring, folding and grating started. The batter went into the new cake pan and was promptly popped in the oven to bake. 50 minutes later a beautiful chocolate cake, perfectly formed, emerged from the heat of the oven. I was in the middle of getting ready for work so I barely glanced at the confection, and even refused a bite of it after it was patted down with grated chocolate to create it's frosting. But it looked good.

Later that evening Jim reported that the dog ate the cake. She apparently thought it looked good, too. Jim had left the house for roughly 10 minutes to drop the girls off at church and he returned to a very guilty looking Harley Blu. She spent the rest of the day in her crate.

But this development didn't deter my husband from his cake. He announced this morning after I woke up that he was going to make another chocolate cake and try a new recipe. "It has beets in it!" he announced.

Methinks that I won't be trying this one, either.

Bits and pieces

There was only one way to end the evening I had last night at work: with a cold beer and left over homemade pizza. Work was horrifying. It was the sort of night where you can't get cut any breaks and you are truly earning your paycheck. Only I don't think we get paid enough to have dealt with what I did last night. *sigh*

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Speaking of work, I'm taking a summer online class that I need for my degree. It's called Targeting the Job Market. I think it's both hilarious and depressing that I'm taking this class. It advises students how to handle a job interview, how to write a resume, etc. Here I'm thinking "I'm damn near 34 years old and I think I know how to write a resume." I'm hoping that I'm going to get something out of this class. It's only worth one credit, though. Bummer.

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And speaking of school.... I don't think I mentioned how last semester turned out. I earned a B in the biology class I was freaking out about. I'm so pleased with this grade. That class was wicked hard! Everyone else I knew of in that class was either failing it or close to. I'm rather chuffed about it, to be honest. ;) I got A's in my other classes, so my GPA for the semester was 3.69. Yay me!

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Abby's graduation was soooo cute! I can't believe my baby's not a baby any more. Not a preschooler but a kindergartener. *sigh*

The freaking out may commence

On Sunday Abby graduates from preschool.
I am so freaking out over this. No longer will my baby be waiting for me when I get home from school, ready to give me a great big hug. I'll be giving her even bigger hugs in the fall when she's off to kindergarten, five full days of the week.
A completely kid free house, Monday through Friday? The possibilities are both endless and frightening.

One Helluva Weekend

I just had one of the most amazing weekends ever.
I don't think that I have ever seen so many people in one spot. Moving together like a sea of hope. Corny? Sure, but I can live with that. I can't tell you how many times I felt like I could burst into tears. At one point I remarked to Jennifer that I felt like I was in a protest march. "You are", she replied.
Y-Me was like one big party. I believe I read that 30,000 people were there. I saw lots of laughs, smiles, hugs, determination and more pink than you can shake a stick at. A lot of people held signs in honor of those who have fought the breast cancer battle and won....or lost. It was moving to see so many walking memorials.
I observed that among the throngs of people everywhere there was not one group of people who weren't represented. Breast cancer touches everyone; it does not discriminate.
If you would like to see a few shots our my trip, click here. I apologize for the complete lack of originality of these photos as my digital camera died and I was left with buying a disposable camera.
Here are some really great shots from the Y-Me page.

"That's not a Picasso, that's a horse."

Abigail made this declaration during breakfast. I realize that, at five years old, she's an extremely talented artist (read Ar Teest) but it's nice to know that she's already taken on a humbleness far beyond her years.

2 fer 2

I haven't had much luck with Tuesday.
I showed up at 0830 for my biology final only to discover that I'm a day early. Turns out that this is actually Tuesday, not Wednesday.
Whoops.
So I meander over to the car dealership for my 10 am oil change only to discover...yep... it's tomorrow.
Double Whoops.
At this point I'm feeling more than slightly sheepish. I'm I the only one who has "skipped" a day?

I need to relearn how to live my life

I've been taking Lexapro for a year. For those not familiar with the drug, it's an antidepressant. I wasn't taking it for depression but anxiety. You know, come to think of it, I wasn't really taking it for that, either. I have anger issues.

My issues stem from the fact that I can anger quite easily, going from zero to @#$%^ in a .5 seconds. And that anger was primarily as a result of stressors that I encountered at home. Strangely, I could deal with work stress, even relishing in it and performing better. But I couldn't do that at home.

I think I inherited this from my mother. I know it wasn't from my dad. He was frustratingly laid back, and it would take A LOT to get that man angry. As a child I was deathly afraid of angering my mother. Not that I was ever abused as a child, but I was scared of her temper. I learned what rage look like at an early age.

Now as a mother myself, I refuse to allow my children to bear witness to my own inner rage. When I could see that I was having an extreme difficulty in controlling my temper with two small children, I wrestled with going to my doctor to ask for help. I was terrified that once I talked to my doctor that he would somehow have my girls taken from me. Note: I have never beat on my kids. Never never never. Ok. Now that THAT'S cleared up...

So I went to the doctor, holding my breath. And then I exhaled. I got a prescription for Lexapro and found that I didn't feel like I was walking along that same cliff, threatening to fall (or jump?) off of it. I could deal with stressors in a rational way, and I never felt that snap that put me over the edge. I still got angy, sure, but it was rational. I never blew up and regretted anything I said to anyone.

And then my prescription ran out. A couple of weeks ago I dialed up the pharmacy to have it refilled and they informed me that they would need my Dr's okay first. Sure, I said, no problem.

Only he was on vacation for a week. By the time the attending doctor authorized five pills to "tide me over" till my doctor got back I had been off of the drug for over a week. In that time I had neat little headaches, a persistant brain fog, and a perpetual sense of vertigo that was made intense every time I got up and walked around. In short, that week was hell.

During that time I decided to come off of the drug completely, hoping that in the last year I will have learned ways to deal with stress. Granted, I have had a couple of moments where my inner rage decided to sneek out, curious as to what it had missed in the last year. Overall, though, I can see that my physical withdrawl symptoms are abating and that I'm trying to hold on to the medicated rationality.

I had a doctor's appointment today. I told him of my decision to come off of the drug, and he supported me. He did, however, give me some samples of Lexapro in the event that something major goes down and I feel like I can't cope. I'm okay with this; having the samples handy is much like carrying around an unopened pack of cigarettes after I quit cold turkey when I found out that I was pregnant with Emily. I was reassured by their presence, knowing if it got that bad that I wouldn't have to "suffer" a craving. And I never opened them.

I'm hoping that those samples stay unopened, too.

Everything you never knew that you didn't want to know about me

Do you know how long it took me to come up with all these pointless facts? That in itself makes me realize that my life is very dull.

So without further ado (if you care to continue)...
1. I was born in San Jose, California in 1973.
2. I grew up in Vacaville, California.
3. I love Bath & Bodyworks Moonlight Path lotion.
4. I love Indian food.
5. I like bacon and sausage dipped in syrup. But you won't find me eating it any time soon. I stopped eating meat.
6. I stopped eating meat but I'll still eat a ton of fish.
7. I have to hold onto the headboard on my bed in order to fall asleep comfortably.
8. I can bend over and place my palms on the floor. Let me stretch first before I pull something!
9. I can type really fast.
10. My brain is no longer as fast as my fingers.
11. I use the backspace key a lot now.
12. My daughter Emily was 10.4 pounds at birth.
13. My daughter Abigail was 8.13.
14. Both were two weeks early.
15. I have thrown a live grenade.
16. Grenades are really loud when they explode.
17. I used to climb up on my roof and lay out to tan. I'd kill my kids if they tried that.
18. I'm taller than my mom at 5'7".
19. My little sister is taller than me.
20. I love to dance.
21. I love to sing.
22. I sound amazing in the car and shower.
23. I've been known to write poetry.
24. I smoked for 10 years.
25. I quit cold turkey when I found out that I was pregnant.
26. The smell of cigarettes nauseates me now.
27. I work for an airline in the dispatch office.
28. Among other things, I cancel flights.
29. If I've ever canceled your flight, it's nothing personal.
30. You have to be federally licensed to do my job.
31. I love the smell of spent shells on a firing range.
32. I'm a sucker for OnStar commercials.
33. The opening sequence for the Lion King makes me bawl, too.
34. I'm a certified personal trainer.
35. I wear reading glasses.
36. I have an Associates in Exercise Science.
37. I met my husband in Korea.
38. I like to play video games.
39. My children have more of a social life than I do.
40. I have a Boxer named Harley. She's a doll.
41. Harley ate part of my couch as a puppy.
42. I want a Great Dane.
43. I have 3 cats.
44. That's why I can't have another dog.
45. I like to drink beer.
46. I don't watch tv per se but I will watch Bones, Fringe and The Office online.
47. I love "Girls Kick Ass" movies & tv.
48. I've benched 95 pounds. So far.
49. I want to visit Egypt and see the pyramids.
50. I have to sit up front in the cockpit of my aircraft (well, not my aircraft) once a year to maintain my dispatch qualification.
Intermission
51. I love wearing high heels.
52. My hair was so long that it hung down to the small of my back.
53. I chopped it all off after I had my daughter.
54. It's at my shoulders now--I've recently cut it again.
55. I've dyed it a chestnut brown for a change.
56. I still can't believe I'm the mom of two girls.
57. Crimes against children enrage me.
58. I have no mercy for these type of offenders.
59. I have a time management problem. I suck at it.
60. My favorite color is the green of my husband's eyes.
61. I love music, and I have very eclectic tastes.
62. www.dictionary.com is my friend.
63. I used to be a pretty good speller. Then I got old.
64. I was always in advanced English classes in school.
65. I love to read.
66. I was married at 17.
67. I was divorced at 19.
68. I married a sailor. That should explain the divorce.
69. I remarried 4 years later. This year was our 12 year anniversary.
70. I really got lucky this time. ;)
71. I'd love to learn how to swing dance.
72. I like mustard better than ketchup.
73. I love asparagus.
74. I'm not overly fond of pumpkin pie.
75. If you've read this far, "Quack Quack" in the comments.
76. If I had the money I'd get a boob job.
77. I have little willpower over chocolate chip cookies. My husband bakes the best.
78. Both of my kids are in the gifted program at school.
79. I don't watch reality TV. That's not "real", folks.
80. I am quite impatient at times.
81. I am perpetually sleep deprived.
82. I like crushed red pepper in my spaghetti.
83. I named my oldest daughter after a character in a book.
84. I have no discernible waist. That's annoying.
85. I have 6 tattoos. I'd like at least one more.
86. I have a total of 11 holes in my ears.
87. I now wear only one earring in each ear.
88. I once had my belly pierced. It's closed up.
89. I'm proudly half Scottish.
90. I love my country.
91. I've always wanted to live in Montana.
92. I've an affinity for hummingbirds.
93. My favorite flower is a lily.
94. I have an aunt named Lily.
95. My house was built in 1912. A skeleton key opens the front door.
96. I have a nasty habit of being unable to leave for work on time.
97. I'm extremely opinionated.
98. I have a library addiction.
99. I generally eat a wheat bagel covered in peanut butter with coffee for breakfast.
100. I listen to audio books while I fall asleep and while I drive to work.
101. I spend way too much time on the computer.