History live and in person

Today Emily's 2nd grade class put on a living museum. For this class project the kids selected a famous American to do a presentation on and, later, portray in this living museum. One boy was Michael Jordon. Another was Thomas Edison. One girl portrayed Sally Ride, and another Annie Oakley. (I must admit distress after one girl chose Miley Cyrus and another Ashley Tisdale for their "famous Americans".) Emily chose Elizabeth Blackwell as her famous American after reading a Judy Moody book.

While the project was a complete success I must admit to being a little unsettled. If I see any more young boys looking at my daughter like this again I may go ballistic.

Boys, you have been warned.


Adventure in liquid eyeliner

While browsing the makeup aisle at a popular retailer I stumbled upon a clearanced item (my favorite!) that promised to "play up my hazel eyes". Hmmmm.

$4.48 later I was the proud owner of a little bottle of liquid eyeliner in Black Pearl. (Perhaps I was enchanted with visions of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean?) My only problem? I don't have a clue how to put on liquid eyeliner. With my luck I'll stab myself in the eye, rendering me blind.

But God bless the internet!

Within a few keystrokes I was able to find a plethora of information on how to apply liquid eyeliner. Because I care about you (yes, you!) I would like to share what I've found lest you find yourself in my predicament. You can thank me later.

Rock Appreciation 101

Note: The following is a partial transcript of a conversation between myself and my six year old daughter, Abigail, that occurred approximately thirty five minutes ago en route to Fantastic Sam's for a trimming.

"Mama, I wanted to hear that song!"

"Oh, ok. Sorry about that." I clicked the car's tuner back one station.

"Who's singing?"

"George Thorogood," I answer.

"Who's the band?"

"The Destroyers." I hear giggles in the back seat.

"Rock and roll, baby!"


Laugh Out Loud

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.

'The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'


T minus one and counting

I go for my personal training certification tomorrow, barring a rescheduling due to the "inclement weather" we're having here. Once I get through this workshop I'll be able to relax again and my life can slow down just a wee bit. I'm frustrated that it may take upwards of a month and a half to learn if my efforts were enough to get me certified (oh, the horror if I don't make it!) but since there's not much I can do about that I'm going to try to believe in myself and my abilities and go at this thing full throttle. I have, after all, given up a lot for this. I'm in the middle of turning my nervous energy into positive vibes for the next three days.
If you could spare any additional positive vibes or prayers or mantras (whatever works for you!) I'll welcome them with open arms.
See ya on the flip side.

Update (0312am) :
My certification workshop has been canceled for this weekend because of the weather. I'm both frustrated (I want to get this done) and relieved (I can study longer!) but am more worried about how soon this might be rescheduled--or if the event will be canceled altogether and I'll have to wait for the next workshop. In April.


My "Office" personality

I took a personality test a few days ago to find out which character from The Office I'm most like. Turns out that I have a split personality (nothing surprising there!). What two characters do I most resemble?
Jan and Pam!

If your an Office freak like I am then take your personality test here.


Brought to you from the "Lard" of Lincoln!

While I'm studying for my upcoming personal training certification Abigail and Emily decided to post an entry for me. How sweet!
So...Happy President's Day from Abby and Emily!

Breaking point

This past week has been a nightmare on several levels. As a result I have reached Defcon 5 on my stress meter. My emotional stress is now manifesting itself physically into my shoulders and my neck and I can barely stand that and the stress at the same time. Without going into too much detail (thus saving you from wanting to throw yourself under a bus) here are the highlights of my week:
  • A 4-day work week from H.E.L.L. (Please don't tell me how lucky I am to have a four day work week. I work for an airline and am scheduled to work 10 hour days but I show up not knowing when I can leave. I have to stay at work until the last airplane lands or when the next shift shows up.... at 3 in the morning.)
  • I have a pretty major lab exam tomorrow in Anatomy & Physiology that I've been trying to study for every waking moment possible (when work, sleep or family doesn't get in the way, of course). I'm really anxious about this damn exam.
  • I took a test today that I didn't study for because I've been so busy studying for the aforementioned lab exam.
  • I test for my personal training certification at the end of next week. And because I am trying not to fail this A & P lab exam tomorrow I can't study for the certification! I have been reviewing this stuff for a couple of months now but there's still so much information to digest and I will be mortified, sickened, disgusted with myself and downright embarrassed if I fail to pass this... and I'll only have myself to blame.
  • And the topper: My baby girl has to see (another) specialist because she's got this health issue going on right now. I don't have much information to go on and it won't be until March 6th when she's seen (hopefully sooner, we asked to be called if they had a cancellation). I can't tear my mind away from worrying. And I can't stand not knowing.
This is the first time in over six months that I've truly missed Lexapro. I could use a couple of those little white pills right about now.

I'm sorry that my highlights turned into a full blown blog entry. This was supposed to be quick so I could go study!


It was pretty funny the first time

I have nearly 2 years worth of blog entries that are languishing over at MSN Spaces. Some of my work was truly inspiring! Heartbreaking! Passionate! Others...not so much. But I thought I'd blow the dust of and share some of my favorite Spaces moments anyway.

12 Items or Less (April 9, 2006)

I'm unloading the groceries at the checkout lane when the question comes.
"Have you pooped today?"
"What?" I look at my mother as if she's grown an additional head.
"Have you pooped today? If you go, your headache will be completely gone. It's a fact."
I'm momentarily stunned into silence.
"Well, have you?"
I look around the checkout lane. Thankfully no one is around to hear this exchange. "Well, you know mom, right now I can't quite remember if I have or not."
Note to self: Do NOT shop for Tylenol with my mother. Ever. Again.


I don't mean to brag

...but I'm pretty bright. Or very very lucky. I prefer bright but have no problem with luck.

I had my first test in biomechanics today. Planes and axis of the body, flexion, extension, inversion, eversion and the like. Yes, as a matter of fact, I did study for this test. So what if it was the night before? I am, after all, fairly busy as a matter of course.

As my instructor graded our tests he mentioned to the student how many points they missed out of 98. One person missed 27. Another 30 and change. Me?

I missed two points.

I'm pretty sure I know what questions I missed. I answered "Um...?" to one and "Everything else" as the answer to "What bones make up the appendicular skeleton?" (the previous question asked what bones made up the axial skeleton. Naturally, answering "everything else" to the second question made perfect sense). While technically correct I don't think it was the answer he was looking for.

As I effectively shattered the grading curve I'm considering armed protection to and from my car. Can I find that in the Yellow Pages?


Cold feet

Most of the time when someone talks about having cold feet it's usually a metaphor. This entry is not about a metaphor. I really do have cold feet.

Ok, I can't use the word "feet" anymore. That word sorta weirds me out. "That word" and "foot fetish" kind of belong in the same word family for me. So I'll use toes.

I have cold toes. It could be 110 degrees in my house and I would still have cold toes. I'm not bothered by it so much cause they're my toes... and ok, they're cold. So what? It's not as if I walk around in heated socks because I know that I have cold toes. I've had cold toes for as long as I can remember.

But there are times. You know those times. Don't act like you don't. You hold on to those times
as preciously as the last fresh baked chocolate chip cookie. You reserve it, like a table at your favorite restaurant, for just the right moment... and then BAM! You unleash the power of the cold toes on your sleeping husband because He. Won't. Stop. SNORING!

Just a little nudge. That's all it takes.

But it's not really your fault that he jumped out of his skin, squealing like a newborn piglet.

You have cold toes, remember? Oopsie!

**insert evil laugh here**